It's a tough life, baby

Stop being a wimp. To survive, learn the laws of the urban jungle, says Babychen Mathew.

Here goes.

I have a problem with women's application of common sense. Especially when it comes to topics related to sexual violence, and risk reduction. This piece could sound rude; go read something else if you are expecting comforting words and encouragement. 

For this is written by a guy who is hardly ever bothered to offer his sympathies to his brothers in trouble, and normally prefer that other men treat him the same way. Solutions are what men specialize in, that’s what you will get here. Sympathy is for wimps, and perhaps there is something women can learn from that attitude. If you do really believe your precious ass will always be safe, click the Back button right now, and look elsewhere for affection. 

After that sensitive introduction, let me come to the point. Let us say you are female, that I know you for a while, consider you something of a friend, and want to ensure you stay out of trouble. I have no time for rationalizations or social changes or inculcating better attitudes in the new generation of boys and men. That I shall leave for the activists. My interest is in ensuring you stay - out - of - trouble.

Know what? I think you are singularly incapable protecting yourself. You are a wimp, by male standards. And in a male crowd, the wimp is treated like shit. Humiliated. You are respected only if you are powerful. You are a wimp because you do not know the pain of violence.

Have you ever taken a punch in the face? Had the wind knocked out of your stomach? Had two people holding you down while a third grabbed your throat? Never? A decade back? Was it your brother? Thought so. That doesn’t count.

The point is this - you don't know what violence is. If you don't know it and haven't felt it, when it used against you by a potential rapist or kidnapper, you do not know what to do. You can read as many step-by-step self defense tips as you want, and when the time comes, you will not be able to do anything. To act, violence has to be in your blood. You should have reflexes. You should have anger. You should be able to lash out like a whip in an instant. Can't do that, right? Too un-feminine? Stay that way, softie, we men will have your ass tomorrow. That's how we operate.

Let's put it this way. Men have been fighting each other for fun since we were 2 years old. Our games involves hitting each other, pouncing on each other and brawls. We have punched, kicked and knocked the teeth out of our classmates sweet smiling faces since kindergarten. We have had cut lips, black eyes, bleeding toes. You, you were too dainty - the worst you could do was to threaten a scratch.

The books tell you knee us in the balls? So funny, the way all those sexy, confident women do it in the movies, right? Fact check: Other men have kicked us in the balls before, we have kicked other men in the balls before. Our reflexes are much better than you expect in that area. You kick and you miss, and baby you are toast. Your attacker will know from the way you attempt it that you are not good at it, and he may actually smile. You miss, and the attacker may decide to deal with you swiftly - a nice and sweet punch that will leave you breathless for 30 minutes. It can be done, easily.

Okay enough of scaring you. This is what you should do. 

Develop your reflexes. Brawl with your girlfriends. Get physical. Get to know your strength, and what damage you can and can't inflict. If you have brothers, wrestle with them. Get hurt a little bit. Inflict some minor hurt. You will find that all those steps which they tell you to do, do not come naturally to you. Practise them, internalise them. Learn what it is to struggle violently. Learn how you can trip someone bigger than you. A few pictures in a magazine are not going to help you unless you practise them. A few brawls with your girlfriends / boyfriends are in order.

Learn the art of surprise. Can you visualize instantly switching from the cute, dainty, sexy babe to a screaming, kicking scratching wildcat? Do it. Imagine a sudden attack, imagine the fear, imagine the paralysis. You can escape from the paralysis only if it comes to you instinctively. There is no time, often, to consider which tactic you should employ. As a thin, reedy boy, I have done that to escape from the bullies in school. if someone suddenly grabs you from behind, you crack - I said, CRACK - your head against his nose, chin, whatever. Spear your elbows into his ribcage. Step with all your force onto his feet. And do this all without thinking. Then you have a chance. 

I know you really don't want to visualize being attacked, or being held in a stranglehold, or the groping hands of a molester, or a rapist tearing your clothes. Do it, dear. You may get a few nightmares, but you will come out stronger.

Oh, and read a few newspapers. You know, those big broadsheet newspapers where they do not have spiritually uplifting material on the front page; where they occasionally carry stories of violent crimes? Those ones. The more you read, the more you are aware of the circumstances in which you can be attacked. The tricks that are employed. When that male friend of yours has just used that line to get you into his car, or house. What times and which places where you are not safe. Take a straw poll - ask men and women about the recent rapes and molestations that has happened in his city. Usually, men would know all the details, women wouldn't. What you don't know can't hurt you, right? Wrong. Read the bad stuff, baby. It will save your life and self esteem.

Some time back, there was a news item in the papers about a weapon for women – pepper spray. If you are the type who reads newspapers, you would have seen it. If you had a working brain inside that cute skull of yours, you would have remembered the name of the company, and their website. I am a man, not normally under threat of rape, and still I was interested in it because it was a perfect personal security product. Unlike a swiss knife or key, you don’t have to be dangerously close to an attacker to use it. Carry it in your hand, and it would just look a cute lady-like useless accessory thingy which men usually do not notice. Best part: Women who carry a pepper spray are usually safer, as the mere fact that you are carrying it makes you feel conscious of your environment. It just paralyses a man for close to thirty minutes. Now you think I am going to point you towards their website? Fat chance. Move that butt. Search for it yourself and find it, or use the feedback form on the site to contact us, and we shall tell you. Heh heh. 

Let me tell you this. As a child, we needed to believe that this is a good world, and we are all princes and princesses. Now you are an adult, and time for the harsh truths. This is a jungle out here, and you better be a tigress. A doe here is dogmeat. 

Finally, do all this sound like I am trying to lock you up in your house? Yes? That should not matter to you one bit. This is a SWOT analysis, not a love story. Men have learnt - after all those punches and kicks that we gave and took - that we should have a good idea of what we can get away with, and can't. Just because you are physically weaker you have to take extra precautions. Because you do not have fighting instincts, you have to develop them. You have to know your enemy. As simple as that. The rights and wrongs; why men are never blamed; why a rape victim is treated as a pariah; how she is considered a commodity - these are topics that can be debated and discussed and written about or argued in a court. Oh, work towards changing men, changing society, changing laws, whatever. What matters is - can you aim that pepper spray and hit him in the eye in less than a second?

You can? Yes?

Well, I’ve been wondering… Catch a movie tonight? Batman Begins? Wowee.