Come on Woman, Where's Your Fury?

Use your anger, draw some blood, when faced with the rape menace, exhorts JC.

Did you know that 47% of women in our Metros think that their life is ruined if they are raped? Or that 37% feel that rapists should marry their victims? And then we sit and pontificate on society's attitude towards rape victims. 

We are all part of this society that is currently so busy spinning out safety Dos and Don'ts for women. In its latest missive, a Delhi Police list of Dos asks a woman faced with the threat of rape to go straight to the nearest police chowky. We know what happened the last time a 17-year-old girl was taken to a police chowky on Marine Drive. She was brutally raped for a full 45 minutes. 

And what is the reaction from most women? Silence. Why are we not angry about our lost freedom? Why shouldn't I wear a swimsuit in public? Why can't I sit on a bench in some park and read in peace? Why is it that after the recent spate of rapes in Delhi and Mumbai I see only men writing letters to the editor expressing their outrage? Why are the women not angry? Or should all strong emotions be left to the men while we sniffle in a corner or pretend that rape doesn't happen to people like us? I don’t mean that you grab a few posters and stage a protest—though there is a time and place for that too. But are we even considering avenues of how to deal with these situations or we going to bury our head in the sand as we have been doing for centuries?

What will it take for us to realize that in grim situations no one's going to come on a white steed and do his rescue bit? It's we who have got to react sharply. A lady from Thane recently took on two burly cops who tried to act fresh with her; she immediately created such a stink then and there that both the cops were suspended immediately. What is she - some WWF wrestler or Supergirl? What does she have that we don't? Why are we so mortally scared of creating a scene? Why is it that we insist on acting out the stereotype that somehow all of this is our fault. If we melt into the background, nothing's going to happen. It's our fault that we look good, stand out, have fun, breathe, live.

The Thane incident only goes to prove that most eve teasers and would-be rapists (whatever their size) are overgrown bullies who only act if they are sure they can get away with it. Nine out of ten times, when you call their bluff they collapse like a house of cards. Try it. This is not hot air. I am speaking from experience.

OK, so there are hopeless situations where one cannot run, attack, or hide. Fair enough. There are always some battles you can’t win. You move on. But what about the countless other battles that you can win? Do we even stop to think that winning is a possibility? 

What I am really saying is that use your anger and your resentment. Don’t squash it, like we are always told to do. Good girls, don’t get angry, oh no, they just snivel in their hankies. Lash out at even the smallest of transgressions and watch that bogey melt away. The more you do it, the more powerful you’ll feel and the stronger you will be. The next time someone stares at you, stare him down! It may sound simple or even naive and obviously I am not fool enough to suggest an all-encompassing solution because what we are dealing with is a very complicated demon. But, we need to understand that very often we do have the power to take on the demon. That in the game of who blinks first, if we hold on and do not blink we can force our opponents to blink and slither away. That we all have the courage and the ability to take on the bogeyman; we just have to find it in moments of crisis. 

We also need to realize that nothing will change if we so-called educated, emancipated women bring up our daughters as we were brought up. When we pass on our bogeys to our children (I say children, because boys need to know too) we create weak, crippled individuals. Imposing curfews does not solve any issue. 

I am not saying that you train your children to be feckless or tell them there is nothing to fear. But, there is a fine line between caution and fear. You have to train your daughter to protect herself and not immobilise her with fear. It’s a tough ask but you have to instill in them, at a very young age, the confidence that will last them a lifetime. Karate and Kung fu is not - and cannot be - part of every home, but self-assuredness and mental strength can be. Unless we sensitize our kids about this and teach them the appropriate way to react, they'll be left to reinvent the wheel.

And most importantly tell them that yes, rape is a violation and that it can temporarily strip you of your self-respect. But, don’t tell them that it’s a loss of their honour or worse, family honour. Teach them to be powerful—and you just might be able to oust the bogeyman for good.